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I wanted to walk with my arms in the arms of a star. I just did not know I had walked into a nightmare of my own. Everyone in my hometown treated me different. Sure, they all respected John but me they no longer acknowledged me. Girls hated me because I was with John. Instead of attention from them all I got was snubbed, not all of them but most treated me with deliberate coldness or even contempt. I was even a fucking bitch to some of them and I did not even know them.The men my age in my town treated me as if I had the plague or had some type of sickness. Most would no longer even look at me or talk to me. When I walked down the streets of our town, they would cross to the other sidewalk just to avoid me. I found out from Kim it was because they were all afraid of John. She told me that they did not want to risk making him mad.Our happy little town of ours wanted to and they did give John everything. I know it was wrong but I even removed his photo from my desk in my office. You can spend your days pulling your socks up to your knees but eventually you just forget about them. The blue plaid jumper does not have any fabric left to hem, except for a thread and it just keeps getting shorter and shorter and shorter. You rub holes in your navy sweater where the thumb lives and eventually your thumb pokes through it, now you are covered, the sweater with your holes for your thumbs to live in shelter your wrists and most of your hands, compensating for your exposed bruised knees. Your Daddy drives a nineteen fifties Plymouth painted primer gray and it makes lots of noise but it does run. It has that old car smell of ripped leather, stale smoke, empty beer bottles and rotten padding, you get the pliers to roll down the window to get some air. The torn seat is irritating your bottom so you shift your weight. Your Dad wears a soft flannel shirt and worn in blue jeans with paint stains. You can not imagine a man dressing or smelling any other way than him. When.
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